Letting Go

I am heading into my third month of yoga teacher training and am realizing that my teacher teaches me so very much, but in none of the ways I expected. I have spent twenty-two years of my life in school, which means I have accumulated a B.A. in English Literature, an M.F.A. in Creative Writing and most recently a B.F.A. in Graphic Design. After finishing up my B.F.A. last December I swore fervently that I would not return to school. Well, I sort of kept my promise. What I ended up doing is plunging into the yoga world and deepening my practice through yoga teacher training.

A friend recently asked me how my teacher training was going and I responded that most of my formal education has been spent consuming and regurgitating information and facts; however, yoga training is like nothing else I’ve ever experienced. Yes, we have a great deal of “book” learning to do: anatomy, Sanskrit terms, yoga history and philosophy. We also spend a great deal of time practicing the asanas (poses) and remembering their English and Sanskrit names. But, really my yoga journey has been about an extreme letting go, letting go of thoughts, limiting beliefs, prejudices, and lots and lots of fears. Quite simply, it has been a shedding process for me, letting go of so many mental beliefs. At times this process has been painful as part of me wonders who am I without these beliefs I have carried around for so long? Most of the time I feel lighter without these beliefs, some of which aren’t even mine, and feel more myself than ever before.

So what has my teacher taught me? Interestingly enough what I have learned from him goes beyond what he verbalizes and teaches. His presence conveys and transmits a larger volume of knowing. It is his being that speaks clearly and directly.

At the onset of this teacher-training journey I was worried that I might be changed by this experience and now I know that I will be and I am grateful and thankful. I will most certainly not be the same person who began the training and I am excited to see whom I become as I continue to let go more and more and let my own presence begin to speak clearly and fiercely.